Great One Liners.....

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

 

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.

Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them..

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder..

Bury me upside down so the world can kiss my ass..

Regular naps prevent old age.. especially if you take them while driving..

Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up!

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

DON'T STEAL! - The government hates competition

Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

Guests and fish start to stink after two days.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

Couldn't afford to fix my brakes, so I made my horn louder.

Democracy is three wolves and a sheep voting what to have for lunch.